They say they have to keep their jokes simple so the mainlanders will
understand them.
Dearest Newfie Son,I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read
fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we
moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Gander
family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they
wouldn't have to change their address.This place is really nice. It even
has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in
and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.The weather isn't bad
here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and
the second time for four days.Auntie Maude has sent you a pair of socks
she knit, she put a third one in because she heard you have grown another
foot since she last saw you.About that coat you wanted me to send; your
Uncle Billy said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the
buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.Jimmy locked
his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him
two hours to get me and your father out.Your sister had a baby this
morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you
are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.Uncle Bobby
fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he
fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three
days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two
friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
tailgate down.There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of
the normal has happened.Your Favourite Aunt,
